Crisco and a Baseball Bat
Your curated guide and unsolicited thoughts for the upcoming Dore Alley weekend.
When yours truly moved to the Bay in June 2015, they were an innocent gay.
After claiming a badge of honor for attending San Francisco’s Pride for the very first time, a friend mentioned that the next big event was Dore Alley weekend. It was time to go to Mister S and get harnesses. What the fuck was that?
Apparently, the Up Your Alley/Dore Alley Street Fair was the red-headed bastard raunchier gay brother of Folsom Street Fair (subsequently googled in the bathroom later on in the night). Within moments, tickets were purchased to Sneaks, best described as “an athletic gear fetish party that turned into the underground gay rave of the year”, hosted by Polyglamorous at Club Six. There is a strict sneaker dress code. Now, a veteran of these types of parties, it’s ordinary to see swarms of guys in jocks or partake in a playspace, but back then it was all new and fairly intimidating.
About thirty minutes after arriving, an area was cleared downstairs for a ‘performance’. This didn’t seem like the time or place for a Shakespearean monologue. Suddenly, there was a sexy hairy man in a football jersey crop top cleaning a metal baseball bat. He starts lubing it up thoroughly. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. The dots connected. Someone laid down — peach up and eager. It was glorious and beautiful and excruciating to watch. Dore was explained in a singular salacious Oscar-worthy moment with no stunt double.
Each year since the energy always feels electric. The parties are full-on immersive experiences where you can be lost locking lips for what seems like minutes but are actually hours. Here at Gay Agenda SF, we were pretty excited to curate a list of Dore events for you. Now, just a few days away…we are conflicted because we are now dealing with Monkeypox as a community.
Two years of Covid has pushed our community to the brink. People should feel comfortable partying like packed sardines in leather harnesses or receiving all the baseball bats they desire. They should be releasing their load from three stories above into a crowd (indeed, that did happen the following year). But, with cases surging as vaccine supply remains low and misinformation spreads, we question whether or not it is appropriate to encourage events that, in practice, are all about close contact.
Whether it is dancing to incredible DJs or to be blunt — getting railed and seeded in a sling by almost complete strangers (and we love that sort of thing), we’re a little concerned (read: a lot concerned) about what this means from a public health perspective, especially considering how outsiders are manipulating the spread of Monkeypox amongst predominantly bi or gay men to spread misinformation that the disease is an STI, as well as other hate and vitriol (fuck you, Marjorie Taylor Greene!). In earlier Covid times, events were regulated and phased in based on case trends. Does it make sense to do the same here? Or, should the onus be on the individual, you, to assess the risk?
You might think the answer to these questions rests with our health care professionals. Earlier today, the San Francisco Aids Foundation at Magnet/Strut released a cheeky guide titled Douchie’s Guide to a Dore Alley Without Fear of Monkeypox.
The guide aims to quell anxiety about Monkeypox from a harm reduction perspective. We get it and understand that it’s not realistic to lock everyone down. People are going to do what they want to do, so why not give them the tools and knowledge to make safer, less risky decisions? It makes sense…but also kind of doesn’t. At its core, it encourages readers to ‘dress up in kink, play with well-known sex partners, and “consider skipping the dark, back rooms at parties if they’re super crowded [if] there’s no way to control who you’re bumping up against and rubbing skin-to-skin with. What? Are you serious? Have you ever been to a Dore event? That’s like telling someone to avoid the hot burning lava from an erupting volcano (insert some sort of ejaculation pun here). We love you Strut, but Douchie’s got other talents and should stick to his own lane.
So, what is Gay Agenda SF seeing between attendees and event organizers? It’s a mixed reaction. While most of the parties are still on-with-the-show for now, we’re seeing some folks sell their tickets online.
Even one prolific event organizer, Grace Towers, has canceled her event ‘Say Love’, entirely. She has also dedicated a page on her website for Monkeypox news and resources. In an apropos love letter to the community, Grace made the decision thoughtfully, prioritizing community care. What that means is “understanding the risks of contracting Monkeypox at events with close contact”. She goes on to express that she “considered hosting a SayLove that didn’t include physical contact, but a SayLove without loving connection would be a different event”. You can read the full statement here. It so happens that Gay Agenda SF planned on highlighting Say Love as an honorable mention for Sunday. We truly always enjoy it when Grace makes an appearance and her closing parties are intentional, safe spaces for play, cuddles, and good vibes. Hopefully, we’ll be able to attend for the Folsom edition in September.
Another event organizer canceled his long-awaited Horsemarket party that was set to take place last week, citing the Monkeypox risk. Also known as the Stallion and Mare party (modeled off Fickstutenmarkt in Europe), this party is the pen-ultimate of sex parties and we were totally surprised by this, considering the local Bay Area demand for it.
Now what? Even though Gay Agenda leans towards more caution, we still wanted to give you a resource to sift through the literal dozens of events taking place over this weekend, many of which are steeped in San Francisco history. Rather than do a piss-in-a-cup poor job of explaining them, we’d like to promote a fabulous guide for Dore by Andy Wibbels (@Andymatic), self-proclaimed gym bunny, author, and THOT leader. Check out the page for detailed descriptions of each event and kink history. We’re a fan (maybe a collaboration, sometime? Hmm).
That said, here are our curated picks for Dore Alley Weekend:
THURSDAY
RubberDucky at The Powerhouse @ 7pm
Ernie isn’t the only one with a thing for rubber. This monthly event garners a pretty sizeable and sexy crowd with incredible rubber gear. The vibe is very chill. Even if it’s not your crowd, these guys are fun to check out and drink a beer with. (This might actually be one of the safest events Monkeypox-wise as it’s not too packed and dressed)
FRIDAY
Lots of options here including Beta by Fog City Pack and Prime at the Midway. You can check out Andy’s guide for more on Prime. It’s likely that tickets will become available through the comments on each event’s Facebook page or you can chance it at the door if you go early enough.
Our spotlight is:
GlamCocks’ Pretty in Kink at Space 550 @10pm
First off, this is the same location as Comfort and Joy’s Pride party, Afterglow. We like this party because it has a little more cheeky flare to it and is something unique relative to the thumping raunchy circuit of burly men in harnesses (still, <swoon>) at the other events. The group explained to Gay Agenda SF that they “ pride [them]selves on creating a safe space for the Queer Fam during Dore in a sea of circuit parties…we are focused on fun and art and being playful”. It rates highly on the GAES (our scoring system) for its inclusivity, as they firmly stated that everyone is welcome. Remarkably, trans-identified individuals receive free entry. We love that.
Friday’s event serves as the primary fundraiser for their Burning Man art piece, which will double as a 30’ tall climbable art tower and provide additional funding for other Burn-related art projects. There will be surprise performances and installations by the talented and sexy artist Simon Malvaez. If you don’t recognize the name, you’ll definitely know his work as it has become ubiquitous, most recently as part of the Frameline LGBTQ Film Festival. Here is a promotional video for the party.
Alternative:
Gaga Lipa at Oasis SF @ 10pm
For a not-so-Dore evening, head to Oasis for a mashup dance party with DJs Shyboy and Nubar. This is feel good and your girlfriends will feel comfortable attending.
or you can head to The Lookout SF, starting at 9pm to get your Castro-vibes on at the Crop Top party.
SATURDAY
DAYTIME
Big Muscle Party: UYA Edition at DNA Lounge @ 2pm
Cover: $26 on-line with fees, 30 at the door or find a calendar man for $20 discounted tickets.
This is the official launch party for Team 2023 and the 39th Edition of the Bare Chest Calendar and Andy claims “this party usually the hottest crowd of the weekend”. You can read his whole description, but it’s worth going to, especially because it benefits PRC SF, which provides critical stabilizing services to members of the local community with HIV/AIDS, mental health, and substance abuse issues.
DADdy Daycare at SF Eagle @ 2pm
Bring your son to the Eagle for a no-cover party from the DJ team at DAD SF.
NIGHTTIME
Sneaks at Club Six @ 10pm
The aforementioned party is the hot ticket (currently sold out). Grab your sneakers (obvi) and sports stuff to be on brand for this party. Have fun!
Alternatives:
Check out Andy’s guide for information on Brut SF taking place at The Great Northern @10pm. This is a hard-core kink party not for the weak.
Princess: Bjork party at Oasis SF at 10pm
If you are looking to avoid all of the hullabaloo of Dore, you can head back over to the Oasis for a classic drag and disco dance party as a tribute to Bjork.
SUNDAY
When you finally wake up on Sunday, the street fair on Dore Alley is the place to meet back up with friends, drink, and maybe more, if you’re feeling frisky. It runs from 11am to 6pm.
Around 3pm, the bars remain packed but folks head off to the other parties like Heaven XL (circuity) at Halcyon in Soma and FawksTales (free) at The Foundry. Play T-dance starts a little later at 6pm and goes until 1am for those looking to party again all through the night with lots of visuals.
For a more chill Dore alternative, we recommend heading to The Phoenix Hotel for one of their last Sunday Summer Series featuring VNSSA from 1-6pm. Last week’s Goldroom was a brilliant show, although filled with a Marina-type crowd and some stray gays.
Alright folkx, that’s a wrap! We’ve said our piece and hope you have a ton of fun this weekend. Make sure to look out for yourselves and others.
Remember that consent is sexy and no fboy is worth your time.
XOXO, Baron Whistlebottom.
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